Humor, Weight Loss

Whole Chicken – take two

As I previously posted, my first whole chicken in the Instant Pot was full of flavor, however, it came out looking like one of Picasso’s paintings where everything on the face is reorganized, except it’s a chicken.  I decided that I wasn’t going to be defeated that easily and needed to try cooking a whole chicken once more. This time I decided not to sear the chicken in the IP, like the recipe called for, since a greased chicken stuck to the pot isn’t easy to pull out.  I had tried hoisting it out with a wooden spoon in its cavity and I tried a turkey lifter which pierced clean through the breast of the chicken. In the end I just had to reach in and grab it by the legs and broke a leg in the process.  This debacle happened in the searing process, I hadn’t even gotten to cooking the darn bird. I thought I deserved a second chance, this time with no searing involved, so I sent a text to my husband asking him to pick up another chicken.

When my husband and the bird arrived, I oiled that baby down (the bird that is), threw on a dash of salt and pepper, stuffed it with a 1/2 of an onion quartered, whole garlic and sprinkled Chicken Shit all over it. That’s right, I sprinkled Chicken Shit all over it, the flavor somewhat resembles poultry seasoning, only better in my opinion. B79967BA-14EF-40E7-91BB-87B7AEB5A360I found this wonderful shop in Leavenworth, WA called Cup and Kettle that carries all kinds of ‘Shit” products AND they ship! You can get “Shit” seasonings for just about anything” and they also carry amazing tea. You can also purchase Chicken Shit and other Shit seasonings directly from the manufacturer.  Back to the chicken…the first time I cooked my bird in the IP, I set it for 25 minutes as directed and it cooked perfectly.


So once again, I placed it in the pot and set the cook time for 25 minutes.  Ah…so much easier the second time around.  When the time was up and the IP had finished its Natural Pressure Release, I opened the lid without fear and pulled that bird right out. It was perfect!  Since my husband was hovering over me like he hadn’t eaten in 3 days, I began to pull the chicken off of the bone for chicken tacos.  Oh my gosh it was so incredibly juicy!  As I got closer to the bone I suddenly realized that it was not fully cooked!  I turned to my husband and said, “Was this chicken the same size as the other one you bought?” “No, I bought you a bigger one this time.” Insert image here of Star Trek’s Captain Picard doing a facepalm. I had set the timer for a smaller chicken and now it wasn’t fully cooked. Ok, no biggy, I just had to put it back in the pot and set it for a few more minutes.  I set the timer and walked away.  As I was sitting in my home office I suddenly heard the now familiar, loud psssshhshhhh that the pot makes during a quick release…BUT WAIT…I wasn’t doing a quick release!  I yelled to my husband, who is in the kitchen ignoring the fact that the pot was screaching,, “OMG! I DIDN’T SEAL THE VALVE!” He quickly turned the valve to seal and I sat in silence from the other room waiting for some sort of apocalypse to occur. Nothing. I headed into the kitchen wondering how I could have screwed this up a second time.  When the timer was up and all of the steam had escaped, I opened the pot, pulled the remainder of the chicken out and checked to see if it was cooked.  It was!


*Note to self: Next time check how many pounds the chicken is before setting the timer.