Humor, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

“OK. I’ll Go, I’ll Go, I’ll Go…”

I have always been a morning person.  When my alarm begins its relentless beeping at 5:00 am, I usually spring out of bed and I am ready to start the day, however, this morning it was though my body was cemented to my bed.  Perhaps my body sensed that today was the day that I was going to get back on the elliptical.  I spent the morning trying to psyche myself up to head out to the gym. As I walked out to my car suddenly I was Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off saying, “OK. I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, with–I’ll go. Shit!”

When I arrived at the gym, I headed right for an elliptical.  I had set a personal goal for myself to last a solid 15 minutes on that thing.  About 7 minutes into a gruelling level 1 workout, yeah, that’s right the easiest level, I once again turned my prayers to any spiritual deity that might hear me begging for mercy and take away my leg pain. At 14 minutes in I got serious with the self talk, “Come on now, you just tied your record, you only have 2 minutes left, you can surely go 2 more minutes.”  Ten seconds passes, “Oh no way, that seemed a lot longer that 10 seconds, what is wrong with this thing?”  I hit the 14 minute mark and suddenly time stood still. This was the longest minute I have ever experienced short of childbirth. When I finally hit 15 minutes, I hit the stop button as though I was in the lightning round of Jeopardy. I got off of that thing feeling like a total badass and finished out my workout on other machines.

“I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it.” ~Cameron Frye

Humor, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

“Stupid Is What Stupid Does”

Since I started working out 12 days ago, I have only missed 1 day at Planet Fitness and I intentionally skipped that day to give my right hip flexor a break. Apparently it doesn’t like the elliptical either. I have watched others hop on this machine and stay on it like they are running cross-country with Forrest Gump. I get on the elliptical and more closely resemble a banana slug that is pretty much starting to dry up from the heat while halfway across the road.  So, no, I am not killing any records but I am at least putting in 30 minutes a day and also using the Total Body Workout at the gym.

That brings me to this….

So, for 12 days I have changed my lifestyle. I had actually started earlier in the year but I started keeping an accurate accounting of it 12 days ago. This morning I climbed on the scale eagerly looking for results and once again I was ready to throw that damn thing return the scale to the store due to inaccuracy; I was only down 2 ounces.  Insert adult language that you wouldn’t use around your mother right here _____________.  It was then that I had to put it all in perspective. I am down 6 lbs since I began 12 days ago which averages out to 1/2 lb per day.  And, I have noticed a change in how my clothes fit, so this was a reminder not to get hung up on the numbers and keep it about a healthy lifestyle.

My son called me early this afternoon sounding like he had landed a part in the Walking Dead, he left work early with the flu.  At my house flu means homemade chicken noodle soup, however, I didn’t want the carbs so I ate mine without the noodles. And no, I didn’t do this in my Instant Pot, this is a soup I love to cook on the stove.


Tomorrow I may just have to try out that elliptical again cause “Stupid is what stupid does.” ~Mrs. Gump




Humor, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

Mouse Tales

After I slammed down a few cups of coffee this morning,  I began to think about breakfast. Although it is not paleo, oatmeal sounded absolutely wonderful and I jumped up and headed into the kitchen.  I had a few of those cranberry, apple, walnut instant oatmeal cups on hand and I foraged through my pantry to find them.  Right before I opened up the cup I turned to look at the nutrition facts.  What?!  Fifty-three grams of carbs and some ridiculous amount of sugar. I put the oatmeal back in the pantry and closed the door muttering a few adult words while my dog stared at me. I had pretty much cooked almost every bit of food on hand trying out the new Instant Pot that I purchased weeks ago.  Now I was down to eggs and high carb foods, so I cooked up a couple of eggs and called it good.  Late morning I headed off to the gym for a quick workout and by mid afternoon I had passed hangry and was feeling sick.  Hangry is the point of hunger where you swear everyone in a 2 mile radius is going down if you don’t get fed immediately. I didn’t even experience much of the hangry phase, I slid right on into “I am gonna be sick.”  Since my oldest son was home, I decided it was a perfect time to have a lunch date and we headed off to a local restaurant/ bar.  The restaurant part of the building was incredibly cold so we worked our way to the bar.  If you have ever read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff, you will understand the next part of my story….

If you put an adult in a bar, they are going to ask for an adult beverage.  I decided on a vodka cranberry which arrived to the table a very pale, pink color so essentially I had jez-timms-128933-unsplashvodka with a few droplets of cranberry juice. I then decided on a cheeseburger without the bun and instead of fries, I ordered a side salad with a raspberry vinaigrette. However, if you give the adult one vodka cranberry, chances are they are going to ask for another…


unsplash-logoJez Timms

Humor, Instant Pot, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

Please Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself…

A few weeks ago someone on Facebook told me that my writing style reminded them of Erma Bombeck.  Wow! What an incredible compliment.  It had been years since I had even heard her name and I found myself downloading a few of her books onto my Kindle. While reading through some of her work, I began laughing out loud as I recognized my own voice and way of thinking in her written words.  Erma Bombeck was a humorist, a storyteller.  Up until that very moment, it had never once dawned on me what my writing style was, I had never categorized it, nor had I labeled it.  I have no formal training in writing, I simply have a passion for writing and the ability to tell a story in such a way that it makes others smile.  I now recognize that I am also a humorist, a storyteller and I appreciate that being brought to my attention.

I sat for several hours today thinking of my blog and my return to a healthier lifestyle. I hope that I am able to motivate others who are struggling or simply wish to better themselves in some way. I hold the belief that in order to understand how you arrived at a moment in your life, you have to know where you have been, without allowing your past to define you. With that being said, on a tab, at the top of my blog I have attached a story titled “My Ugly Truth – The Making Of A Fat Girl And The Birth Of a Humorist.”  Those who know me have read this story before, however, if you haven’t read it, this is my own personal story about how I arrived at being overweight, written in 2011. When I edited my blog today and attached my story, I found myself reading it and recognizing that the storyline has continued on, almost unchanged, through these past 7 years since it was written. This was a soul-shaking moment. Seven years have passed and very little is different about my life.

That was yesterday, this is today:


I do not want this blog to be solely about weight loss or my lifestyle change, although, that is certainly the stage of my life that I am at right now.  I want it to circle, morph, evolve, much like life; whatever strikes my fancy as a humorist, as a storyteller.

You may or may not have noticed a change in my icon from an Instant Pot to a painted picture of a woman.  The picture is more of a representation of my character, whimsical,  and one that I personally painted. I have also changed my tag line. There will still be cooking in my Instant Pot, Planet Fitness adventures and my continued lifestyle change.  Moving forward, I will weave in elements of my daily life that you will hopefully find amusing and keep you entertained and motivated.

Welcome once again to my blog.