Humor, Planet Fitness, Uncategorized, Weight Loss

Sunday Blame and Pain

I read an article at that suggested “Studies in animals have found that when circadian rhythm is thrown off, health problems including obesity and metabolic disorders such as diabetes can arise.” I believe there may have been some sort of digital misprint here because I am pretty certain the article was supposed to read:

Circadian Rhythm Disrupter      aka Chloe

“Studies OF animals have found that pets throw off the human circadian rhythm every. damn. night. which can lead to health problems including obesity and metabolic disorders such as diabetes can arise.” If you have a pet that sleeps in your bed, the struggle for sleep is real.   After jumping on and off the bed all night, as if she were involved in some sort of olympic training, my dog woke me at 5:55 am with a soft moan in my ear that continued for several minutes until I got out of bed.  My dog has a circadian rhythm that usually wakes her before my alarm goes off on weekdays and wakes her at the same time on weekends; I have not had the opportunity to experience mine. Bottom line:  It is my dog’s fault I am overweight and perhaps it is not because of the fact that I really love pizza and wine.

The first thing that I noticed when I crawled out of bed this morning was that every single muscle in my body hurt. Ok, perhaps that was an over exaggeration because my facial muscles aren’t hurting.  So to clarify, ever muscle below my chin has called out sick and doesn’t want to work today. When I went to Planet Fitness yesterday, I decided to do their 30 Minute Circuit which combines strength training and step cardio, however, I choose to only complete the  strength training portion.. When I finished the circuit, I got on a recumbent bike to transition into a gentle cardio workout.  I started off programing the thing manually and then decided to choose a workout program specific for weight loss. The machine prompts you to input your age and your resting heart rate, which I will be honest, that threw me off because I had already been peddling for a few minutes.  I don’t know exactly what I ended up entering into this machine but it flashed a message telling me that my resting heart rate was 70% of the remaining human population and, from what I was gathering, it was asking me ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU WANT TO DO THIS?  Um…yeah, I guess so.  It is a recumbent bike, not the elliptical so what could possibly go wrong?

It started out so easy that I was certain I hadn’t programmed it correctly.  I began peddling faster and faster to get my heart rate up. Just as I was wondering if I shouldn’t try reprogramming it, the numbers began to change. It started out with a low number and slowly kept climbing until it was at 14.  Now I don’t know exactly what 14 meant on the grand scale of things but I can only describe it as you are on a bike and the bike tires are quickly drying in cement and you are expelling every last bit of energy that you have to keep those tires spinning.  My heart rate had climbed to well over 165 and the machine was flashing SLOW DOWN.  I lasted 20 minutes before I recognized that if I didn’t stop peddling that I may perish on a recumbent bike in Planet Fitness and there was no way I was going down like that.

Today may be a day of rest…

*Note: No, I am not really blaming my dog for having a wine club membership and Round Table Pizza on speed dial…

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